YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
