I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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