I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
