I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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