If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
