awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
