I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
