You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
