Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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