I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
