Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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