where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
