you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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