My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So squirting runs in the family.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
