Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
