Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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