I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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