He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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