i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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