whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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