Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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