Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Randomize
