Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
