Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
