last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I need to sanitize my soul.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
