Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
