Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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