No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
