dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
