When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he was CRYING into my vagina
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
