I'm eating all of the evidence.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
