he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
