She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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