remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
