Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
