dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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