You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
