Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
