I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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