So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
40s are totally the cure
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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