This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
