Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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