the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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