I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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