So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
