please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
