I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
