Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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