My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
