there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
