ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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