If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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