I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
