well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
