Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
