i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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