Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
