Im at strip club and am horny
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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