Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
