Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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